Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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