A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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