His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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