I think my vagina is haunted
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
