dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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