my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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