Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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