READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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