In the future we'll all be gay
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
