I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
