I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
