How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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