I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize