I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This house was built for laser tag.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I supernannyed him into submission
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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