how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
