Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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