In the future we'll all be gay
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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