Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize