When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
