I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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