So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
