no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
