i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize