Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
