dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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