he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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