Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
