What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
