Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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