Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
