How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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