Nicole vs. Life
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So many bounce houses so little time
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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