Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
