we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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