I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
