what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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