If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
