You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
