woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My ass is underappreciated
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
