i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Randomize
