I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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