White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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