Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
