Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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