How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
