do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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