do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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