yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
