So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
