Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize