so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
