I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
