I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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