Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
