I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
