I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize