tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
