There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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