Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
