he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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