Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
