My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
