I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
