He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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