My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
