I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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