I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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