I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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