I wish I only lived at night.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
