about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Randomize
