Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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