When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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