its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize