My underwear smells like fireworks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
